Love Makes No Demands

We all are familiar with the quest to find love in our lives. Many of us have memories of experiences of very intense love, as well as the intense absence of it. For the most part, all of us in some way or on some level seek to experience more love in our lives.

The Bible scripture passage 1 Corinthians 13 is one of the most famously quoted and therefore familiar to many. In verse 5, it states that love “...does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” The statement, “it is not self seeking,” speaks volumes to me and explains in part my many experiences of lovelessness.

Clearly the love spoken of here is unconditional. To be honest, the love I’ve been seeking has been far short of unconditional. I realize that in all of my relationships there are some levels of demands and expectations that I set before I’m willing to give my love to others. In my mind I think,”you must be faithful to me; you must not hurt me; you must not leave me;” and so on.

Not only do these thoughts jeopardize my relationships by making demands on love, my demands on love create barriers that keep the very love I seek beyond my reach.

If I seek to experience more love in my life, I must be willing to give it unconditionally. As the universe abhors a vacuum, the space I create in my heart by giving it unconditionally attracts the same gift of love back to me, filling that space in my heart. This is the principle that giving and receiving are one energy flow, which is activated by the “giving.”

While learning to love unconditionally is a tall order, we know that from the most sacred of teaching that this is what we are called to do. It is only through unconditional love that we can come to recognize and fully embrace the divine within ourselves and the people around us.

And so today, I intend to give my love with no demands. When I vaulter, I will not punish myself, instead I will recall my attention and try again. The more I practice giving love without demands, the more love I will experience in my life.

Accepting People Where They Are

I volunteer with a local non-profit dedicated to ending homelessness in the DC Metro area. This organization has been extremely successful at transforming people’s lives, and now they have begun working to help families before they lose their homes. I was so moved by this, I asked the CEO what was the secret to the organization’s success. He said they always begin by accepting people where they are. This allows them to build trust and work together to resolve the immediate need of getting them off the streets and into a safe, supportive environment.

While this sounds like a simple concept, it can be difficult to practice, both within our social support structures and in our individual relationships. For example, not having an address as a homeless person makes access to some programs impossible. Similarly, when a friend or a loved one is in trouble, we often want them to change their “behavior” before we are willing to help them. We may mean well, and our intentions may be good, but are good intensions enough to transform the life experience?

Here are a few things to consider. To start, I remind myself not to try to help someone unless they ask for it. Sometimes I make assumptions about others based on my life experience that are false. Next, trust is essential for people to work together. How do I build trust with a person desperately in need of help by saying “you are not good enough”, or “I’ll help you once you change?” This is what placing conditions as terms for help does. It’s a form of judgment, and judgment fosters resistance; only acceptance builds trust. As for our “good intensions” behind the “terms,” this response is more likely our own need to feel better about the situation. “I’ll help you if you stop using drugs,” for example, has little to do with the addict.

Deepak Chopra noted that everyone’s path is perfect, for them. I agree. Many spiritual teachings are based on the principle of oneness that is shared by all, beyond any differences perceived in form; and this oneness is sacred. If I believe then, that: we are all connected; we are one in spirit; or that I honor the divine light in others, I demonstrate this principle by accepting my brothers and sisters, honoring them in every step along their life path. By genuinely sharing my blessings with those who seek assistance, I help to transform the life experience for everyone.

Love Is My Decision Today

One of the many lessons I have learned on this life journey that eventually I find whatever I am looking for. If I look for all that is wrong in the world, I will find that. If I look for my sister’s mistakes or even my own, I will definitely find them, too. Would not the same hold true for me then, if I chose instead to look for Love? By Love with a capital "L," I refer to that which is unconditional, unrestricted and unlimited; it is the Love that honors the connection between and the highest good within each and every one of us. Is it possible, then, that part of the reason for much of the suffering and negativity I see is that I am conditioned to look for it? Could it be that there is much more good at work in the world around me than I am allowing myself to see?

And so today I affirm my commitment to look for Love in every situation and in every interaction with others. I know there will be times when this is challenging; all that matters is that I remind myself and try again. Today I choose to see the good in others, instead of their mistakes. Today, instead of sadness and despair, Love is my decision.

“Beyond every form is Love. If I look for Love I will find Love. I give thanks that this is the truth.”

Hal Tipper, © 2003, Pathways of Light. http://pathwaysoflight.org

Giving and Receiving

Recently when reading from the book "A Course In Miracles," the first two sentences of Workbook Less 159 really stuck with me:

"No one can give what he has not received. To give a thing requires first you have it in your own possession."  Schucman, Dr. Helen. A Course in Miracles (p. 982). Foundation for Inner Peace. Kindle Edition.  

It occurred to me that this explains why giving love, compassion and forgiveness to others is so important in our daily lives. If I cannot give something I do not have, how would ever I increase the love, joy and peace that I desire in my life? It seems I would have to receive it first. When I think about it, receiving these very gifts from others is how I actually learned to value them. The truth is that from the moment I was born, the people around me began caring for and nurturing me. There have been hundreds of them throughout my life. How could I have become the person I am today without them?

An article posted at The Chopra Center describes the universal law of giving and receiving:

"The universe operates through dynamic exchange . . . giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the universe. And in our willingness to give that which we seek, we keep the abundance of the universe circulating in our lives."
"Spirituality, The Law of the Day" The Chopra Center

This is a powerful concept. Simply stated, I receive that which I give. If we all chose to respond with anger or vengeance when we feel hurt or attacked, how would we ever bring the painful cycle of attack and suffering to an end? On the other hand, when I respond to others from love, compassion and forgiveness, I increase these gifts in my own life. Clearly this is what Jesus was trying to teach us. While we each have very unique individual life experiences, we are all interconnected through the gifts we give to (or hold back from) one another.

That said, learning to resist the urge to respond with anger to others requires a great deal of effort. I must learn to be aware of my thoughts and feelings before I respond to others. Practicing self-awareness will give me the space I need to choose to respond differently - from love, compassion and forgiveness instead of anger, hatred and revenge. When I realize I have hurt others, love, compassion and forgiveness are what I want for myself. Knowing now that I must share with others the very gifts I seek, I desire to give love, compassion and forgiveness to the people around me.  When I give love, love returns to me, and I contribute to the transformation of my own life experience and the lives of others.

Paradigms, Perception and Emotions

This is one of my quotes from the book, "The Shack" by William P. Young. This is a conversation between the main character Mack and the Holy Spirit. Mack has admitted that he is afraid of his emotions and really doesn't understand them, and the Spirit responds. I hope you enjoy it. And if you haven't read the book, I highly recommend it!

“Mackenzie, Emotions are the colors of the soul; they are spectacular and incredible. When you don’t feel, the world becomes dull and colorless. Just think how The Great Sadness reduced the range of color in your life down to monotones and flat grays and blacks.” 

“So help me understand them,” pleaded Mack.

“Not much to understand, actually. They just are. They are neither bad nor good; they just exist. Here is something that will help you sort this out in your mind, Mackenzie. Paradigms power perception and perceptions power emotions. Most emotions are responses to perception—what you think is true about a given situation. If your perception is false, then your emotional response to it will be false too. So check your perceptions, and beyond that check the truthfulness of your paradigms—what you believe. Just because you believe something firmly doesn’t make it true. Be willing to reexamine what you believe. The more you live in the truth, the more your emotions will help you see clearly. But even then, you don’t want to trust them more than me.”

Thought For Today 12/9/16

I'd like to share Lesson 344 from the Workbook of "A Course In Miracles." It is a beautiful prayer that really says it all; the most important job we have here on earth is to learn to forgive each other. Only then will we truly know the Father's peace.

Today I learn the law of love; that what I give my brother is my gift to me. 

This is Your law, my Father, not my own. I have not understood what giving means, and thought to save what I desired for myself alone. And as I looked upon the treasure that I thought I had, I found an empty place where nothing ever was or is or will be. Who can share a dream? And what can an illusion offer me? Yet he whom I forgive will give me gifts beyond the worth of anything on earth. Let my forgiven brothers fill my store with Heaven’s treasures, which alone are real. Thus is the law of love fulfilled. And thus Your Son arises and returns to You. How near we are to one another, as we go to God. How near is He to us. How close the ending of the dream of sin, and the redemption of the Son of God.

Schucman, Dr. Helen. A Course in Miracles (p. 1157). Foundation for Inner Peace. Kindle Edition. 

Why Are We Here?

A simple question, right? But not at all simple to answer for most of us.

I believe the following quote sums this up well, and, if nothing else can certainly serve as a starting point for those who ponder this thought often. Consider this:


"... we are here on earth to grow our souls, to open wider, to reach higher, and to stretch further. Our goal is to soften where we would normally constrict, to loosen when we would habitually tighten, and to extend where we would usually hold back. Each and everyone of us has so much to offer, and the world needs what we have to give."
M.J. Ryan, "The Giving Heart"

Marianne Williamson At Divinum with David Gregory and Diane Butler at Foundry United Methodist Church

Yesterday, I went to hear Marianne Williamson speak at a program called Divinum. The event was scheduled before the presidential election results were known. Needless to say, Considering the results there is definitely a great deal of healing needed in our country.

Marianne is such an inspirational teacher for me for many reasons. I think the biggest reason is that she has been teaching ACIM messages for so long, that she instantly recognizes people's statements that resist being open to Truth. And this teaching from Truth is exactly what raises my vibrations and inspires me to become one of God's Teachers as well.

Eventually, the conversation came to the topic of race in America. I don't know why I was so surprised that Marianne offered to lead us in the Apology To African Americans prayer, but I was. I remember watching her lead this prayer at one of her teachings in NYC, and how powerfully moving it was for me as well as everyone there. Now I would have an opportunity to be a part of a real social healing experience, for which I was on the receiving end.

While there were a few dozen or so African Americans in this crowded sanctuary of several hundred people, there were no others around me. Marianne asked all willing African Americans to stand, and for all white Americans near them to stand and place their hands on them, I was touched by people in all directions. At that moment, I realized why we as humans are so protective of our personal space; space is an illusion which is brought to light when we are in close proximity to one another. I remember that once I opened my heart to the presence of those around me, it became difficult to tell where I ended and they began.

The Apology Prayer is beautiful in words and the raw emotions that it triggers. Tears began to flow from the very start. Three or four of the people with me were looking directly at me, so I let go all of my feelings of awkwardness and looked back into theirs eyes throughout the prayer. The physical part of the experience was just as deeply moving as the words. I could feel my energy level increasing; I remember feeling like there was a fire burning within me. My sweetheart, a Latino,  was standing right beside me, holding on to me as well, which definitely helped me to feel grounded.

The last part of the prayer is a promise to treat everyone with love, dignity and respect, and I instinctively joined in with them in stating that pledge. After all, African Americans are just as capable of practicing hatred towards others, and often do. I felt as though I was being offered an olive branch, and my participation in the pledge was my way of accepting it.

After the prayer, we all embraced and exchanged grateful thanks. The first thought in my mind was I wondered if my mother in heaven could feel the sorrow and sadness through me that I felt from these people, and I instantly knew the answer. The healing was for me AND my entire family. That's part of the power of prayer and why it is so important for our return to Love.

The combination of the forgiveness prayer, meeting Marianne and hearing her inspiring words left me feeling fully alive.it is an experience I will share and treasure always.

If you'd like to read the Prayer of Apology to African Americans, please follow this we link:  http://marianne.com/atonement/

Healing Spirituality

Gratitude Is Attitude

When I start my day with a grateful heart, I prepare to face my world with a sense of wholeness instead of lack. With gratitude I remind myself of the good in my life, the many gifts I have, and the many people who have helped me and touched my life in a positive way. With gratitude in my heart, I go forward feeling uplifted, valued and valuable. With an attitude of gratitude, I am unaware of anything lacking in my life, and I am reminded that I have everything I need to be wholly alive. When I walk down the street with gratitude, people around me somehow seem kinder, friendlier and happier. While I sometimes find it difficult to embrace gratitude in my life, when I do embrace it, living with gratitude always results in me having a better day. With an attitude of gratitude, I not only have more for myself, I have more for others, too. 

Today, I am so grateful for all that I am.

Jack Kornfield on Love vs Attachment

https://jackkornfield.com/love-vs-attachment/

Jack Kornfield gives us a beautiful and deep perspective into what true love really is, and how to recognize its near enemy, Attachment. 

https://jackkornfield.com/love-vs-attachment/

Living The Principle of Oneness: What the Baha'i Believe

The spiritual teacher Bahá’u’lláh was the founder of the Baha'i faith. The Bahá’í believe that the crucial need facing humanity is the acceptance of a unified future society That expresses the true nature and purpose of life. 

The conviction that we belong to one human family is at the heart of the Bahá’í Faith. Bahá’u’lláh compared the world of humanity to the human body. Within this organism, millions of cells, diverse in form and function, play their part in maintaining a healthy system. The principle that governs the functioning of the body is cooperation. Its various parts do not compete for resources; rather, each cell, from its inception, is linked to a continuous process of giving and receiving.

Embracing the teachings of the Baha'i principle of the oneness of humankind requires a profound shift in our thinking: “If you desire with all your heart, friendship with every race on earth, your thought, spiritual and positive, will spread; it will become the desire of others, growing stronger and stronger, until it reaches the minds of all men.”

The Bahá’í faith is practiced worldwide, and represents another step toward world unity and the enlightenment of mankind. To learn more about the Baha'i faith, visit the website.

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How Expressing Gratitude Might Change Your Brain

This fascinating article by Christian Jarrett explores how the positive psychology of a "gratitude attitude can bring about a range of benefits to us. Click here to read the article.

A Prayer For The Day

Oh my God

I release to you 

Every thought, word

and act of this day;

Please bless me, my God

and keep me close to you. 

Jesus, may you forever 

live in my heart. 

Pardon, oh God,

the errors committed

in the hours past 

And bless the hours to come,

Amen

The Unanticipated Fruits of One Man's Meditation

At a time of extreme violence around the world, in our nation and in our neighborhoods, Russel Evans shares his story of how his learned presence of mind through meditation gave him the space to respond to another human being from a place of compassion instead of fear.

Please click here to read the moving article written by Russel Evans in Lion's Roar titled, "Practicing Loving-Kindness in the Face of Danger."

Please share your thoughts on this article! Rod

Prayer For The New Year

Marianne Williamson, bestselling author, international spiritual speaker and teacher posted an inspiring Prayer for The New Year on her blog. It is a great message for all of us. Click here to read it.

Rod

Meditation Charts New Pathways In The Brain

Looking for more proof that meditation is good for you? Mindful Magazine ran a very interesting article in September explaining the ways that meditation creates measurable changes in the neural circuitry of our brains for the better.

The article is titled, "How the Brain Changes When You Meditate"(1) and is written by by Jennifer Wolkin. Very interesting! We would love your thoughts on this interesting study. Thanks!


(1)  "How the Brain Changes When You Meditate," Jennifer Wolkin, Mindful Magazine, Sept. 20, 2015.

Meditation - Where Do I Begin?

If you are asking this question, you're already on your way to building a personal meditation practice, so congratulations! For the beginner, the many resources available can be overwhelming, leading one to ask the question "which is the best one?"

From my own personal experience, I found that there is no "best one" that works for everyone. Ever since I began my meditation practice five years ago, I have comfortably moved from one spiritual teacher to another, and then sometimes back. Each day I express the desire to be an channel for peace in the world, and I make the intention to be open to everything that will support my personal growth. This has worked well for me; I have learned to pay attention to the messages from within myself and from others around me, even if they seem irrelevant at the time. When I follow this, the information I need to make the right choices usually  falls into place, like rose petals lining a path.

If you already practice yoga, you might consider asking your teacher if they meditate and can make a recommendation. If this is all new to you, I have provided a list of Mindfulness Resources in the sidebar that I have found helpful along my path. Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay and Tara Brach have great collections of resources for people new to meditation. The UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center also has many free meditation resources for everyone. That said, I would still first take a few minutes to explore your own desires, make an intention and write them down; if you are like me, you will probably be doing a lot more of that as your practice matures.

I welcome comments and recommendations from any experienced with meditation to help the new folks as well. Thanks!

There Are No Coincidences

A few days ago, I was checking in with my friend Cindi. We are both in classes to become ministers in our church, and we occasionally share our challenges and successes along our spiritual journeys. At the end of this particular note, I ended by telling her to have a wonderful day, except that I wrote wonderful spelled, "onederful." That was a blunder that even the dreaded auto correct left alone. As I was deleting it, the thought entered my mind that maybe this wasn't a blunder. I wrote it down again: Onederful. The longer I stared at it, the more ideas began to flash before me. I knew then that I needed to do something with this.

So what is Onederful? It's a way to describe feelings, experiences and events that make us aware of a connection to each other and every living thing. When we experience love, beauty, truth or things we simply cannot explain - like miracles - we experience an awe that makes us aware of forces greater than ourselves at work. That's Onederful.

If any of this interests you, there's lots to be shared on this blog and I welcome you. In contrast to the many challenges and difficulties mankind faces in our world today, there is an "awakening" happening. Many people are beginning to see themselves as more than their thoughts and feelings. Quantum physics has revealed that light is energy, and everything in the universe is fundamentally made of energy; further it states that there is an intelligence associated with this energy and the creation of the universe, not randomness. Is it just me, or is quantum physics sounding a bit like religion? Metaphysics (the study of the nature of existence, being and the world) combined with mindfulness (focusing one's awareness on the present moment) are giving us tools to see ourselves as connected beings far beyond our perceived individuality and separateness; definitely Onederful!

I'll be sharing thoughts and insights from many of today's spiritual teachers in the hopes of sparking questions and conversations that will help all of us along our spiritual journeys. Deepak Chopra said that everyone's spiritual path is perfect. This means that we are not here to judge, criticize or save each other; rather we are here to support and learn from each other along our paths. Our guiding principle in supporting each other here at Onderful is to build, to share and to support one another in a spirit of loving kindness. I look forward to hearing from all of you. If you have questions or stories to share, send them to me by email (click the link on the sidebar) and I will post them here to share with everyone. Thanks!