Accepting People Where They Are

I volunteer with a local non-profit dedicated to ending homelessness in the DC Metro area. This organization has been extremely successful at transforming people’s lives, and now they have begun working to help families before they lose their homes. I was so moved by this, I asked the CEO what was the secret to the organization’s success. He said they always begin by accepting people where they are. This allows them to build trust and work together to resolve the immediate need of getting them off the streets and into a safe, supportive environment.

While this sounds like a simple concept, it can be difficult to practice, both within our social support structures and in our individual relationships. For example, not having an address as a homeless person makes access to some programs impossible. Similarly, when a friend or a loved one is in trouble, we often want them to change their “behavior” before we are willing to help them. We may mean well, and our intentions may be good, but are good intensions enough to transform the life experience?

Here are a few things to consider. To start, I remind myself not to try to help someone unless they ask for it. Sometimes I make assumptions about others based on my life experience that are false. Next, trust is essential for people to work together. How do I build trust with a person desperately in need of help by saying “you are not good enough”, or “I’ll help you once you change?” This is what placing conditions as terms for help does. It’s a form of judgment, and judgment fosters resistance; only acceptance builds trust. As for our “good intensions” behind the “terms,” this response is more likely our own need to feel better about the situation. “I’ll help you if you stop using drugs,” for example, has little to do with the addict.

Deepak Chopra noted that everyone’s path is perfect, for them. I agree. Many spiritual teachings are based on the principle of oneness that is shared by all, beyond any differences perceived in form; and this oneness is sacred. If I believe then, that: we are all connected; we are one in spirit; or that I honor the divine light in others, I demonstrate this principle by accepting my brothers and sisters, honoring them in every step along their life path. By genuinely sharing my blessings with those who seek assistance, I help to transform the life experience for everyone.